Soul-O (Music & Lyrics #2) Read online

  He looks at me and says, “Hey man, good to see you. You broke your nose?”

  I want to put my fist through his face but I slam my shot, grab my beer and say, “I’ll be back, see some old friends over there.” Lyrics grabs my arm as I stand up, without looking at her, I jerk my arm from her and walk away. She says something but I ignore her and keep moving. Before I can even make it halfway across the bar, this one-night stand comes up to me, I think her name is Summer, but really, I don’t remember or care. She is dressed in very short cutoff jeans and a white tank top that molds to her chest, which is making it nearly impossible to focus on anything but her perky hard nipples. She presses her body tightly against mine as she wraps her arms around my neck giving me a hug.

  Softly, and in a way that sends electric shocks to my balls, she says, “Hey there handsome. Ya know, baby, I have the perfect cure for that broken nose of yours.”

  Even in the drunken stooper that I’m in, I know that I need to get away from whatever her name is before Lyrics gets pissed. She slides her hand down my chest, her nail gliding just hard enough to make sure I feel it, and I do, and fuck it feels good. Just as I begin to take her hand off me, I glance at Lyrics. She’s still at the bar with Tyler and he is way too fucking close to her. Every muscle in my body tenses up and jealousy consumes me.

  I tell whatever her name is, “I’m really drunk right now. Sorry, but it’s Summer, right?” By the eye roll and huff of air she lets out, I’m guessing I fucked up on her name.

  She snottily bites back with, “Emma. My name is Emma. Thought you’d remember it. Hell, you said it repeatedly when I was on top of you.” Shit, that’s right, Emma the screamer. She was a fun one, a little dramatic but fun.

  “Emma, I remember you. Let me buy you a drink.” I glance again at Lyrics and her eyes catch mine like laser beams. I’ve never been a dick to her and I know she doesn’t deserve this but seeing her with Tyler is pissing me off. I didn’t like him much before she became mine, but now I want to tear his fucking throat out. I nod my head at her and force myself to look back at Emma the screamer.

  We clink our shots and she says, “To another sleepless night together.”

  I chuckle and run my finger down her cheek. I say, “Remember Dylan, my best friend?”

  She nods and points to her.

  I say, “Yeah, her. She’s my fiancé now. Even though a night with you sounds great, I have to excuse myself.”

  In a high pitched voice, she says, “What the fuck are you doing over here then?”

  I stand up and say, “Yeah, asking myself that same question. See you around.”

  She gets up and says, “Your loss, and if you remember correctly you’ll agree.” I can’t help but smile, she’s right.

  The amount of drinks I’ve had tonight has caught up to me. Walking over to Lyrics, I see two of her. Tyler is standing in front of her with one hand on her knee, which of course I see crystal clear. He pulls it off the moment I get close enough for him to notice me. I step in front of Lyrics pushing Tyler back without touching him. I wrap my hand around the back of her hair and tilt her head up with a tug. Her reaction tells me that I crossed a line, probably many, but my kiss is forceful and relentless.

  As I pull her closer into me, I move my mouth from her lips to her ear and growl, “Don’t ever let him touch you again. You are mine. Got it?” She gently pushes me back and stands up. I turn to Tyler and say, “Dude, you’re still here?”

  Lyrics grabs my hand in a not so loving way, looks at Tyler and says, “I’ll talk to you later. Sorry.”

  Tyler shakes his head and says, “Think about it, Dylan.”

  She begins to tug me through the bar towards the exit. I am so fucking drunk it’s hard to keep steady. I yank her back into me and we both damn near fall over.

  She yells, “What the fuck, Tanner?”

  I smirk and slur, “What the fuck to me, really? What the fuck to you! You’re supposed to think about it, remember? Tyler told you to think about it, right? Think about what?”

  She pulls away from me and says, “Nothing. You’re wasted and need to go home and sleep it off. What the hell, Tan.”

  Everything in me is screaming, “Let it go,” but my intoxicated brain won’t allow me to. The moment we step outside, in a lame attempt to calm the situation, I ask, “Where’s the taxi?”

  Lyrics says, “I stopped drinking hours ago, as soon as I saw how fucking drunk you were getting. I’m driving.”

  Without missing a beat, I blurt out, “Hey, I can catch a taxi if you want to go back in and hang out with your buddy.” Fuck, wish I didn’t just say that.

  Lyrics slithers up close to my face and says, “You know, in seventeen years, you have never treated me like this. You’re right, I could go back inside and you know what, I could go home with him. Is that what you really want?”

  What I want to say is hell no, but instead this comes out, “Listen, baby, you can do what you want. Maybe you should go get Tyler. At least he didn’t allow himself to get the shit kicked out of him and fucking drugged and fucking fucked.” I stumble to the truck and rage overwhelms me. I hear the skin peel away from my knuckles with the first punch to the tailgate but I feel no pain. Everything turns black and I hear nothing, see nothing, and feel nothing as I repeatedly take my anger and humiliation out on the innocent tailgate of my truck.

  “Stop it, please stop it. Tanner, please stop!” Lyric’s scream jolts me out of my fit. Hearing my best friend cry like that and seeing her shake with fear brings me to my knees. I don’t want to hurt her like this, hell, I don’t want to hurt her at all. The feeling of wanting to disappear and get away from everything and everyone that reminds me of who I used to be is growing stronger and stronger.

  Chapter 6

  ‘In your eyes, I see the uncomfortable face of a stranger.’

  Lyrics –

  The realization that this is going to be a hell of a lot harder than I anticipated hits me like a Mack truck. No matter what either of us has gone through in the past, being around each other made it instantly better. This is different though. This isn’t some petty heartbreak. This is something neither of us is remotely prepared for. The moment he saw me standing in the doorway of his hotel room in Australia, his expression was obvious and clearly he was not happy about me being there. It’s only been a couple of days since this happened, but the feeling of wanting to help him and being pushed away is driving me insane. For the first time, I feel uncomfortable with Tanner.

  As we pull into the parking lot of the apartment, I ask, “Are you staying at my place or yours?”

  With a wobbly head and slurred speech, he looks at me with sad, once-full-of-life amber eyes and says, “Don’t care.” I help him out of his ridiculously high truck and without saying more than needed, wrap my arm around his waist as he slumps over me and we walk to the door. I open the door and somehow manage not to drop him on the way in. Making our way toward the bedroom, Tanner mumbles, “I love this place. My best friend lives here.” I don’t know whether to laugh or cry from his comment. I just say, “Let’s get you to bed.”

  He stumbles and falls onto the bed and it’s more than obvious that he’s not going to be much if any help in getting him undressed. As I peel his shirt off, I notice that the unwanted souvenirs Jennifer scratched into his body are almost faded away. With each gentle kiss I place on his beautiful body, the thought of justice washes over me like a bubble bath filled with beautiful aroma therapy. Not the kind of justice that may or may not happen in a courtroom. I mean real justice, human justice. An eye-for-a-fucking-eye type of justice! Just as I mentally drift into an evil takedown plan, the familiarity of his heat radiates from his hand as he reaches up and touches my face.

  He whispers, “I love you.” His eyes shut and he’s out.

  I whisper in his ear, “I love you too. Always have and always will.”

  As I am leaving the room, my notebook catches my eye and I stall in my tracks. Music has always been my cu
re-all, even before I met Tanner. I’ve been so caught up in planning our wedding that I haven’t written anything for months. I walk over to the table and grab my notebook with apologetic hands, open the drawer and grab a few pencils out, and head to the couch. So many emotions have taken my brain over that I don’t even know what I want to write about. Maybe I should write a death metal song about how I’m going to murder Jennifer? Nah, she’s not worthy of being mentioned in my notebook. I don’t want her near my music.

  I’m sitting on my couch with notebook in hand and absolutely nothing comes to me. All I can do is stare at my ring. Five months ago, when he asked me to marry him, nothing ever felt more right. There’s a part of me that always knew he’d be my husband one day. It’s my Tanner, of course we’d be married. It’s not what happened that is killing me. It’s that cold look in his eyes…the look of darkness and hate. It feels like the boy I have known and been side-by-side with for over seventeen years is gone and I’m not sure how to get him back or if he’ll ever be that man again.

  Unable to focus, I toss my notebook on the couch and climb into bed as quietly as possible. The alcohol escaping from his breath is practically making me sick but I can’t take my eyes off him. He’s so beautiful. The way his hair is falling onto his face, framing his eyes and lips makes him look so vulnerable and soft. I gently brush his hair back with my finger; he tosses a bit and quickly falls back asleep. I mold my body to his and drift off to sleep with him.

  The phone rings and I jump out of my skin. I grab my phone and realize that it wasn’t my phone ringing. I look at the clock and it is 9 a.m. I shake Tanner and say, “Babe, your phone is going off.”

  He peers through one eye at me and says, “I’ll call Mom back.” I lie back down and the phone rings again. Tanner raises his voice, “Are you fucking serious?” He grabs the phone and says in a shitty tone, “What?” His face turns stone cold as he stands up and walks out of the room. I can hear him speaking but can’t make out the words. As he’s heading back to the bedroom, he says, “Thanks, bro. Talk to you soon.” He tosses the phone on the dresser and gets back into bed without saying a word.

  After a minute passes, I ask, “Who was that on the phone?”

  He looks at me, kisses my forehead and says, “What time is my doctor appointment today?”

  I look at him and ask him, “What the fucking fuck, Tan? Who was on the phone with you?”

  He rolls his eyes and says, “It was Chip. Is that okay with you, Mommy?” He throws the covers away from himself and begins getting dressed. He says in a way that makes me want to throat punch him, “Please tell me what time my appointment is.”

  I say, “2:30”

  Tanner turns around and runs his finger down my face and says, “Lyrics, I love you more than anybody else on this planet, but you gotta give me some space right now. Chip called me with some information that I need. That’s all you need to know.” I wanted to punch him in his broken nose.

  Being very careful of my tone, I say, “Tanner, nobody knows you like I do, so please don’t ever speak to me like that again. I’m not some idiot groupie, I’m your fiancé. If I have a question, I expect to get a goddamn answer. Are we clear?”

  Tanner grabs his keys and says, “Crystal clear. See ya later.” I pull away when he leans forward to kiss me. Tanner looks at me and looks down as he walks away. I’m trying to be patient and understanding but I feel like I’m in this alone. As soon as he leaves, I call Mom. Hearing Mom’s voice instantly calms me.

  She answers, “Hi sweetie, how are you? Did Tanner get an appointment?”

  “Hi Mom. His appointment is at 2:30 today, and I’m not doing very well and Tanner sure as hell isn’t either. It’s as if he is mad at me for this happening to him. Don’t you think I feel bad enough? I mean, she hurt him because I punched her. I wish I’d killed her.”

  Mom cuts me off and says, “Oh, Dylan, I’m sorry sweetheart. This is going to take time for him, for both of you. I was researching men that were sexually assaulted by women and in almost every case it states that the men feel shame and weakness. Tanner is such a smart man and always so protective over those he loves. Imagine how he is feeling now.”

  Tears are flowing down my face like the Rio Grande. I say, “I know and I am trying to understand and be there for him but he won’t let me in. It’s always been me and Tanner, Mom. Why won’t he let me in on this?”

  “It has only been a couple of days, give him time. Maybe he needs a little space right now.”

  “Yeah, he mentioned that right before he walked out.”

  “Brent and the kids are coming home next week and you two should plan on being there for a family dinner.”

  “Sounds good but I don’t know about Tan. Guess we will see. Are they staying for Christmas?”

  “Yes, they are. Call me after his appointment, please. Love you.”

  “Will do, love you too.” I don’t even think he wants me going to his doctor’s appointment. Hell, I don’t even know that he’ll actually go.

  Chapter 7

  ‘How can you understand me when I don’t understand myself?’

  Tanner –

  Again, I hurt her. Fuck, seventeen years I never said anything to hurt her and now, it’s like I’m slowly ripping her heart out. Of course, I want to tell her everything but this is my cross to bear, not hers. I already put her through enough; she doesn’t need to know everything. It’s for her own good. No way would I let her get involved in this. It’s just Chip and I and, of course, Jennifer. She’s going to be the guest of honor. I shake my head just thinking about what Chip told me earlier and can’t believe this is happening. What did I do to deserve this? Even if I was single when I began the shoot, I would have never touched Jennifer Temple. That girl is a skanky whore and everybody knows it. She could get just about any guy she wants. She didn’t fuck me because she wanted me. She fucked me to hurt the one I love. She’s pure evil. The thing that is pissing me off the most is that I would bet she doesn’t think she did anything wrong. In fact, she probably thinks she did me a favor. The thought of being frozen on that bed and watching her get off on me, makes me want to puke.

  I shake my head in disgust and continue to drive. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. Truly, I really don’t want to think about anything at all. Thinking is all I’ve fucking done and I’m tired of it. Worrying about who I’m hurting, what I say, how I say it…I just want to be numb. I run my hand through my hair and a flash of Jennifer pulling my hair as she licked my mouth makes me shiver with repulsion. It’s 11:30 am which means I have three hours until my doctor’s appointment. I put on some Texas country and crank the radio up loud, loud enough to block out all my thoughts. The barber pole spinning ahead in the distance catches my eye and I turn into the driveway and throw my car in park. Change is exactly what I need.

  This man covered in tattoos, probably in his mid-thirties says, “Hey, bro, what can I do for you?”

  I point to my hair and say, “I want this shit gone. Don’t know want I want and really don’t care. Whatever you think, I truly couldn’t care less.”

  The man reaches his hand out and says, “I’m Sebastian. Come and have a seat. You sure you want to cut that off?”

  I shrug and say, “I’m Tanner.”

  He interrupts me with, “Dude, I know who you are. I’ve been to a few of your shows and saw you all over the news recently.”

  I roll my eyes, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  He seats me in his chair and wraps the smock around me. Sebastian brushes my hair out and almost reluctantly grabs his scissors. He asks one more time, “You sure?” I nod yes. He cuts about 7 inches and it feels great as I watch the clumps whirl down to the floor. I’m not the same man, why should I pretend to be? He gathers the top of my hair and puts it in a ponytail, and then grabs the clippers off the counter. There is something comforting about the buzz from the clippers. Sebastian begins to ask me a question but stops himself. I look at him in the mirror and raise my ey
ebrows. He says, “I gotta ask man, what’s Jennifer Temple like?” Just hearing her name made my blood boil.

  I quickly reply, “She’s an evil bitch; can’t stand her.” His look is of pure shock which makes me laugh a little on the inside.

  “I thought y’all were a couple.”

  I shake my head no and the urge to tell somebody besides my family over takes me. I try to fight the urge and tell him I was joking but instead, I blab to a stranger.

  “The pictures that have been pasted all over the media were taken after she drugged and raped me. I wouldn’t touch that skank with a bottle of antibiotics. She made it look like we are a couple just to hurt my fiancé, Dylan. Jennifer said some crazy shit to my girl and Dylan punched her in her face when we were in Germany, laid her out. To get back at her, she drugged me, had two guys kick my ass, and then she raped me.” I had no idea how good it would feel to tell somebody. I didn’t realize that he turned the clippers off and is staring at me with disbelief and his jaw completely ajar.

  He looks around as if searching for a sign of being punked, and asks, “Are you fucking with me?” I point to my broken nose and he just stares at me. That’s the response I assumed I’d receive, which is why I haven’t told anybody.

  “I wish it was a joke, but yeah, that’s the truth.” He turns the clippers back on and then immediately turns them off.

  “Why would she do that to you? Do women rape men? Man, I don’t even know what to say.”

  I shrug and say, “You’re the first person I’ve told besides my girl and family. Guess the barber really does know everything.”

  He smiles and turns the clippers back on. He says, “I kind of go by the same rules as a lawyer or a priest, client confidentiality. I won’t blab about this, but I do hope you decide to get your justice on her.”